Being HER is often confused with various ideal iterations, best versions or higher expressions of a woman. But often these characteristics or qualities are other people’s ideals, values or states of being. Being HER is not about measuring up to someone else’s definition or description of what it is to be a “good” woman. And it’s not about checking all the boxes, meeting all the expectation, fulfilling all the duties or playing all the roles.
Often women will talk about becoming HER. But being HER is not something you can become. It’s something you choose to BE every day. Being HER is not a house you decorate and then declare “done” when the last pillow is fluffed. Being HER is an ongoing process of seeking and discovering, remembering and committing, clarifying and refining. It’s an art of authentic self-expression.
Being HER is not a to do list. It’s not a perfect morning routine or a daily ritual practice. Being HER is simply an authentic way of being that’s aligned with the truth of who you are.
Being HER is not something you do for other people. It’s not to get approval from parents or authority figures. It’s not to get or keep a man. It’s not to be accepted by society, a tribal group or community. Being HER is something you do for yourself as an act of self-respect, self-love and self-care.
Ideal Woman
Our Ideal Woman is the woman we think we should be. The ideal woman always knows what to do and does it perfectly. She’s all of things, all of the time, to all of the people. She does it all and has it all.
Alison Armstrong talks about how every woman has an ideal woman who is constantly in her ear reminding her of what the ideal woman would do.
For some, the ideal woman has a certain body shape, weight, features or fitness level. She’s well put together. She knows how to take care of her body, dress her figure, fix her hair and put on makeup. She actually looks like her Instagram selfies in real life. She looks in the mirror and is happy with what she sees.
For others, the ideal woman has a certain level of intelligence or competence. She’s smart and successful. She knows how to set intentions and achieve her goals. She has her shit together. She looks at her life or business and is happy with what she’s accomplished.
For still others, the ideal woman is defined by a certain marital or financial status. She’s a well loved or well taken care of woman. She knows how to get and keep her high value man or win big herself in the man’s world. She either married up or worked her way up the corporate ladder. She looks at her marriage and home and is quite happy and content with her status in life.
Best Self
Our Best Self is the woman we know we could be. If only we could just be one percent better every day. If only we could just be our best self in all the areas of life, from health and wellness to personal development and spiritual growth from money mindset to business or career success from relationships to home management.
She’s “just the best” at whatever she does. She’s the best cook, the best hostess, the best gardener. The best friend, the best daughter, the best sister. The best wife, the best mom, the best boss babe.
She doesn’t just be all that she can be. Like a marine, she’s “the best of the best”. She doesn’t just beat her own personal best, she’s the best (fill in the blank) of anyone she knows.
Fantasy Self
Our Fantasy Self is the woman we wish we could be. It’s the woman we imagine we might be…someday. If only we were in the right location or situation with all the right resources and conditions. She’s the woman we fantasize about being in our daydreams or while reading a novel, watching a movie, TV show or YouTube video or scrolling on Instagram or Pinterest.
She’s the woman who’s going to live in a cottage, wear an apron and bake sourdough bread. She’s the woman who’s going to get up at 5am, put on an athletic outfit and work out for an hour every morning. She’s the woman who’s going take up painting or learn how to knit or crochet.
We buy things for our fantasy woman. Things we never end up using. We pin images of her capsule wardrobe, her home, her interior design, her aesthetics, her hobbies. Things we never become or make happen. Interests we never pursue and passions we never follow.
Old Self
Our Old Self is the woman we used to be. You could also say she is our younger self. She’s the woman we were before life happened. Before marriage and kids. Before the burden of a mortgage and monthly bills. Before the heartbreak of miscarriage or divorce. Before we gained a few pounds or lost our health. Before the death of our dreams or loved ones.
We hold on to our old self. We try to keep her alive with health regimens, beauty routines and fitness programs. We try to keep her dreams live with vision boards, goal setting and annual resolutions. We try to keep expired relationships alive with delusions and denial, defenses and dissent.
Actualized Self
Our Actualized Self is the highest level of psychological development in which we’ve self-actualized our highest potential. Our personal potential is fully realized after basic bodily and ego needs have been met. Our actualized self has fully activated all of our many capacities and is fulfilling all of our potential abilities.
Higher Self
Our Higher Self is the construct some people create to connect with their more conscious, intuitively aware self. She’s a holographic avatar of a human woman, with a certain look and style, aesthetic and vibe, sometimes connected with our past lives, ancestors or galactic heritage. She delivers messages, provides insight and offers wisdom.
True Self
Our True Self is who we really are on a soul level. Our soul that has always been and will ever be. Our soul that has incarnated many times, in many constellations and galaxies, on many worlds and planets, in many forms, for many purposes and to complete many soul missions. Our soul that is not male or female. Many souls have lived many lifetimes in both male and female bodies, as well as, forms that have no sex.
HER Self
Our HER Self is the authentic expression of who we are as an eternal soul while fully embodied in a female human form in this earthly realm. She cherishes her humanity. She embraces being a woman. She honors her female body, its needs and amazing abilities. She knows her life’s purpose and works toward fulfilling her soul’s mission.
She brings all of who she is to this human life experience. She remembers who she is on a soul level. She remembers her past lives. She is always connected to Source and in communication with her future self. She has access to the ancient wisdom stored in her body’s DNA from both her mother’s and father’s ancestral lines.
She is sovereign and wise. She lives with integrity. She is true to HER Self.
In the comments below, share one of the ways you express being HER.
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Dara Eden is the author of HER Rituals for the Divine Feminine, a periodical guide created in December of 2021. The 8 Elements, her life’s work, provides guidance about how to honor the essential needs and highest values of your personal feng shui element. Inspired by an Internet challenge designed for men, she created 365WISE, a daily self-care practice that supports women in honoring their needs and listening to their inner wisdom.
In HER Rituals, she offers insights, ideas and intuitive guidance about ways to honor your needs, values and unique expression of the divine feminine.
HER Rituals is a Womb Wisdom KeepHER’s guide to cyclical rituals for sovereign women. It provides insightful information, inspirational ideas and intuitive guidance on daily and seasonal rituals you can practice as a form of self-care. Read about ancient wisdom and philosophical principles, holistic approaches and traditional skills, slow work and intentional living, embodiment practices and immersive experiences.
How does one find all
The Answers to be Her self? Purpose, mission, etc.